My Wife and Kids
7.1/10
ABC Ended Comedy • Family
5 Seasons · 123 Episodes · Premiered August 10, 2007 · Ended May 17, 2005
Michael Kyle longs for a traditional life, but his day-trader wife Janet, gangsta rap-worshipping son Michael Jr., and brooding daughters Claire and Kady make his dream just that ... a dream.
Where to Watch:
ABC
Next Air Time: No upcoming air date
Seasons & Episodes
Season 1
11 episodes
E01
Pilot
Thu, Mar 29 2001 1:00 AM GMT+0000
30 min
In the series pilot, Michael is upset. Why? Because Janet wants to work full-time, because Jr. admires gangsta rap and because Claire wants to go to school in a tank top. Making matters worse, younger daughter Kady keeps yammering at him in Spanish---thanks to Rosa the nanny, who, he's convinced, can't stand him.
E02
The Truth Hurts
Thu, Mar 29 2001 1:00 AM GMT+0000
30 min
Michael is ready to pound Jr. because he suspects his son has gotten a tattoo. But Jr. won't own up to it (he won't take off his shirt, either). Meanwhile, Kady's mad at Michael because he won't let her go on a sleepover.
E03
Grassy Knoll
Thu, Apr 5 2001 12:00 AM GMT+0000
30 min
Jr. and his friend Tommy want to write songs but can't find their muse. Their solution: something they smoke. Meanwhile, Claire doesn't have time for Kady; and Jay wants to get rid of Michael's old "stuff" in their closet.
E04
Of Breasts and Basketball
Thu, Apr 5 2001 12:00 AM GMT+0000
30 min
It's "Jr. time" when Michael goes one-on-one with his son on the basketball court. Then sore loser Michael must take Claire on a shopping expedition to buy underwear. Needless to say, she's excruciatingly embarrassed.
E05
Making the Grade
Thu, Apr 12 2001 12:00 AM GMT+0000
30 min
Jr.'s F in algebra becomes an A through the magic of forgery. But it doesn't fool his parents, who decide to "toy" with him. Making matters worse: Jr. told Claire and blackmail ensues.
E06
Working It
Thu, Apr 12 2001 12:00 AM GMT+0000
30 min
With Jr. in danger of failing algebra, Michael comes up with a unique plan to help him pass; and Jay has mother-daughter relationship problems with Claire, who is turning into "little Miss Attitude."
E07
Snapping and Sniffing
Thu, Apr 19 2001 12:00 AM GMT+0000
30 min
Jr. is being teased by a new neighbor, a boy who is much bigger than he is. But the bully is no match for Claire. Meanwhile, Michael and Jay are once again sparring over Jay's working. "You're Wonder Woman," he tells her, "because every time I come home I'm wondering, 'where's my woman?'."
E08
He Said, She Said
Thu, Apr 19 2001 12:00 AM GMT+0000
30 min
It seems as though Michael and Jay are speaking Chinese---they simply aren't paying attention to each other one Saturday. It all begins because she wants him to take part in family activities and he wants to watch basketball. So he tunes her out when she asks him to do something. Of course he doesn't know what it is.
E09
Breaking Up and Breaking It
Thu, Apr 26 2001 12:00 AM GMT+0000
30 min
Claire has her first crush, and when the boy comes over, he can't take her eyes off her...father's video game. Meanwhile, Jr. injures a delicate part of his anatomy.
E10
A Little Romance
Thu, May 3 2001 12:00 AM GMT+0000
30 min
Michael's single brother Ken shows up for dinner with his 21-year-old girlfriend, Tiara, sparking Michael's fears that his marriage (or at least his sex life) has lost its spark. Meanwhile, Claire's getting her hopes up (a bit too much) about an upcoming dance contest.
E11
Hair Today, Gone Tomorrow
Thu, May 10 2001 12:00 AM GMT+0000
30 min
Michael's accountant (radio personality Doug Banks) dies suddenly, prompting Michael to vow "to live life to its fullest." His definition of "fullest" includes hugging Jay and the kids incessantly, wearing a wig, and deciding to sell his business and live in an RV. And he's driving his family crazy.
Season 2
29 episodes
E01
Mom's Away (1)
Thu, Sep 27 2001 12:00 AM GMT+0000
30 min
Part 1 of two. Jay's away tending to her laid-up mother, so Michael's in charge of the household. The kids don't like it. "You miss your mommy a lot, don't you?" Michael commiserates to Kady. "More and more every day," she replies.
E02
Mom's Away (2)
Thu, Sep 27 2001 12:00 AM GMT+0000
30 min
Conclusion. Jay's still away, but the house is more crowded than ever. Among the guests: Claire's friend Charmaine, who doesn't seem to want to go home; and Jr.'s new "friends"; (two of whom are played by Damon Wayans' sons Damon Jr. and Michael);, who aren't very friendly to him. Meanwhile, Michael tells Kady fanciful stories about her birth (one of which features a cameo by Shaquille O'Neal).
E03
No Rules
Thu, Oct 4 2001 12:00 AM GMT+0000
30 min
Jr. and Claire are chafing at Michael's household rules, so he drops them all. He also stops doing anything for them. That means they must cook their own meals and get themselves to school. It also means no curfews for Jr., but locked doors when he returns home. And it means that Claire may talk on the telephone as long as she likes, as long as she uses the pay phone Michael has installed.
E04
Perfect Dad
Thu, Oct 11 2001 12:00 AM GMT+0000
30 min
Claire and Kady and Jr. are fed up with the way Michael has been treating them while Jay has been away ("You've been a dictator," Claire tells him), so they concoct a fantasy about "the perfect dad." Then Michael gets a turn to concoct a fantasy of his own. Gary Coleman has a cameo as Kady's fiancé.
E05
Thru Thick and Thin
Thu, Oct 18 2001 12:00 AM GMT+0000
30 min
Jay finally returns from California and it seems that she has put on weight. Trouble is, she won't admit it, and that concerns Michael. But what he tells his shrink concerns his performance anxieties.
E06
He Heard, She Heard
Thu, Oct 25 2001 12:00 AM GMT+0000
30 min
Michael won't let Claire go to a party, but she's not about to take "no" for an answer, so a standoff ensues. Father-daughter trust is its first victim as she plots to go to the party while he plots to catch her.
E07
Michael's Garden
Thu, Nov 1 2001 1:00 AM GMT+0000
30 min
Lou Rawls guest stars in an episode that takes a lighthearted look at a serious problem: colon cancer. Rawls appears as a singing doctor in a sequence in which Michael "previews" his colonoscopy the night before he has it. Getting him there is not easy. "What is it with men?" Janet fumes. "You take better care of your cars than you do of your bodies." That doesn't make him bend. What does is the thought of not being there for his kids.
E08
Let Them Eat Pie
Thu, Nov 8 2001 1:00 AM GMT+0000
30 min
Claire, playing a dare game with Jr. and Kady, eats Michael's piece of pie. Michael's punishment: Let them eat pie (and only pie). Meanwhile, Michael offers to be the dieting Jay's "chubby buddy": He'll eat the same lo-cal food she does. Of course, he doesn't tell her that he plans to cheat.
E09
Jay Gets Fired
Thu, Nov 15 2001 1:00 AM GMT+0000
30 min
Jay's in for a surprise when she takes Claire and Kady to her office on Take Your Daughters to Work Day: She gets fired. "Baby, I'm so sorry," Michael tells her. She knows he doesn't mean it: Now he has the full-time housewife he's been longing for.
E10
The Whole World is Watching
Thu, Nov 22 2001 1:00 AM GMT+0000
30 min
When Jay buys new computer software, Michael, assuming that Jr. will use it to watch pornography, demands she return it. Jay refuses, precipitating a cold war between the two. "Fix it," Jr. tells his father. He and Jay do. Do they ever.
E11
Letting Go
Thu, Nov 29 2001 1:00 AM GMT+0000
30 min
Kady has acquired a hamster and Claire has a crush on a boy named Tony. Both developments pose parental challenges for Michael and Jay. The hamster dies. And Michael wishes Claire's new beau would follow suit.
E12
Learning to Earn It
Thu, Dec 13 2001 1:00 AM GMT+0000
30 min
Michael decides his kids are spoiled and puts them to work. They must use their allowances as "seed money" for businesses. So Kady opens a lemonade stand and Claire opens a beauty salon (in the living room). And Jr.? He becomes a professional gambler. Meagan and Melissa Freeman, sisters of regular Jennifer Freeman (Claire), play Claire's friends Meagan and Melissa.
E13
Quality Time
Thu, Jan 17 2002 1:00 AM GMT+0000
30 min
Jay wants Michael to spend more quality time with her, while Michael wants to spend more quality time with his favorite video game. At first, Jay calls the situation "a breakdown in communication." Then she ratchets it up to "You don't love me." So it's off to a shrink. Meanwhile, Jr. has difficulty believing that other boys just might find Claire attractive.
E14
Get Out
Thu, Jan 24 2002 1:00 AM GMT+0000
30 min
Michael's cousin is getting married and Michael must rouse his reluctant family to get them all to the church on time. It won't be easy. The Kyles, he concedes, are "notoriously late" (except for him). Challenge No. 1: get Jay to decide which dress to wear.
E15
Road Trip
Thu, Jan 31 2002 1:00 AM GMT+0000
30 min
The Kyles hit the road for an educational venture---they're going to Boston to visit Paul Revere's house. Trouble is, nobody but Jay wants to go ("Who cares where a dead rock star from the '60s was born?" moans Jr.). As it turns out, Jay's in a foul mood as well.
E16
Table for Too Many (1)
Thu, Feb 7 2002 1:00 AM GMT+0000
30 min
Part 1 of two. After a squabble with a man at a gas station, Michael is dragged to a family dinner at a restaurant. Things get no better for him when they get there.
E17
Table for Too Many (2)
Thu, Feb 7 2002 1:00 AM GMT+0000
30 min
Conclusion: The Kyles' dinner at a Japanese restaurant is already a disaster. Then they meet their dinner companions. Larry Miller appears as one of the dinner guests.
E18
Double Date
Thu, Feb 14 2002 1:00 AM GMT+0000
30 min
Michael breaks his no-dating-for-Claire policy, on the condition that her first date be a double date---with Michael and Jay. Back at home, Jr. baby-sits Kady and nickels-and-dimes small favors from her.
E19
Failure to Communicate
Sat, Feb 23 2002 1:00 AM GMT+0000
30 min
Michael's parents visit. That's a chore for Jay, who doesn't get along with his mother, while Michael doesn't get along with his father. And, talk about dysfunction, his parents don't talk to each other. Meanwhile, Jr. is seeing a cheerleader (Sterling Victorian) who's a bit too hot for his parents' taste.
E20
Papa Said Knock You Out
Thu, Feb 28 2002 1:00 AM GMT+0000
30 min
Jr. overhears Claire and Tony talking about "doing it," and jumps to conclusions. Meanwhile, Michael discovers a gray hair (not on his head) and vows to "fight 40." So he takes up boxing. Wayans' sons Damon Jr. and Mike play two of Jr.'s friends.
E21
Return of the Wall
Tue, Mar 5 2002 1:00 AM GMT+0000
30 min
Jay's getting a reputation as a stern taskmaster as the coach of Kady's soccer team, so Michael takes over. His coaching philosophy is considerably more mellow (with results that would make Vince Lombardi blush). And soon, a coaching showdown looms.
E22
Working Relationship
Thu, Mar 21 2002 1:00 AM GMT+0000
30 min
Jay goes overboard trying to impress---and one-up---the boss after Michael hires her to help out around the office. Meanwhile, Kady makes a new friend in an old, out-of-this-world doll.
E23
Jr. Kyle, Boy Genius
Thu, Mar 28 2002 1:00 AM GMT+0000
30 min
Jr. takes an IQ test, whose results are a surprise. Meanwhile, Michael isn't smart enough to assemble Kady's new jungle gym, and Kady announces what she wants to be when she grows up: a hall monitor. So she practices at school (and learns she likes bossing people around).
E24
Back Story
Thu, Apr 4 2002 1:00 AM GMT+0000
30 min
Michael hurts his back playing a game on "Family Night." The family thinks it's funny, so he decides to play with their heads. But he overplays his hand.
E25
Make Over
Thu, May 2 2002 12:00 AM GMT+0000
30 min
Jay's feeling "frumpy" after she and Michael run into a gorgeous and superachieving high-school classmate named Susan. So it's time for a makeover. Meanwhile, Jr. has made the basketball team. That's the good news. But there's an initiation to undergo: he must sneak into the girls' locker room and retrieve a certain item of clothing.
E26
The Bowling Show
Thu, May 9 2002 12:00 AM GMT+0000
30 min
The Kyles go bowling and run into their not-so-charming dinner companions, the Tylers (Larry Miller, Kelly Coffield Park), at the alley. So it's a family-against-family match. But Jr. isn't interested in making war with the Tylers' daugher, Lisa, and he even knows how to speak her language (it's Klingonese).
E27
Jr. Gets His License
Thu, May 16 2002 12:00 AM GMT+0000
30 min
Jr. gets his driver's license and buys his first car, a clunker that isn't going to get him anyplace fast anytime soon. Meanwhile, Claire's face swells up horribly thanks to a tooth abscess---just in time for picture day at school.
E28
Anniversary (1)
Thu, May 23 2002 12:00 AM GMT+0000
30 min
Part 1 of two. Michael and Jay's wedding anniversary's approaching, but Jay thinks that Michael's ignoring it. Meanwhile, Michael is frustrated when a "sexy mama" outbids him for a pair of Muhammad Ali boxing gloves in an online auction.
E29
Anniversary (2)
Thu, May 23 2002 12:00 AM GMT+0000
30 min
Conclusion. Brian McKnight serenades the Kyles at a backyard anniversary party, during which they renew their wedding vows. McKnight sings his 1999 hit "Back at One."
Season 3
27 episodes
E01
The Kyles Go to Hawaii (1)
Thu, Sep 26 2002 12:00 AM GMT+0000
30 min
Part 1 of three. The Kyles go to Hawaii for a family vacation, although Michael would prefer it to be a second honeymoon. But Jay has "a full itinerary" planned, and it doesn't include honeymoon activities. At least he's bumped up to first class on the flight out, and he's surrounded by lingerie models.
E02
The Kyles Go to Hawaii (2)
Thu, Sep 26 2002 12:00 AM GMT+0000
30 min
Part 2 of three. The kids revolt at Jay's Hawaiian "itinerary," so it's back to the beach, where Michael happens to be girl-watching. But when he sees Claire in a skimpy bikini, he's not exactly ogling. Meanwhile, Jr. has donned his "tropical seduction suit," and it seems to be working on a girl named Leilani. Of course, he also tells her that his dad is Denzel Washington.
E03
The Kyles Go to Hawaii (3)
Thu, Oct 3 2002 12:00 AM GMT+0000
30 min
The Kyles' relaxing Hawaiian vacation concludes in a rush: Jay misreads the time on the plane tickets and there's no time to pack. That presents a particular problem for Claire, who bought so many clothes and charged them to their room. Michael won't like that when he gets the bill. Meanwhile, Jr. doesn't want to leave because he's in love with Leilani, and Kady won't leave without her doll Pippy, which she buried on the beach.
E04
Samba Story
Thu, Oct 10 2002 12:00 AM GMT+0000
30 min
Jay's getting tired of the same-old same-old on her nights out with Michael, so she browbeats him into taking samba lessons. Making matters worse for him, the instructor---Mr. Roccocco---is a little friendlier to Jay than he would like. Meanwhile, Claire makes the cheerleading team, and Jr. wants to add his name to the "Guinness Book of World Records."
E05
Diary of a Mad Teen
Thu, Oct 17 2002 12:00 AM GMT+0000
30 min
While making Claire's bed, Jay finds her diary. Of course she reads it, and that leads to a mother-daughter talk about sex. Meanwhile, Jr. takes an unofficial driving test when he takes Michael to an eye-doctor appointment. And all Kady wants to do is play hide-and-seek.
E06
Claire's New Boyfriend
Thu, Oct 24 2002 12:00 AM GMT+0000
30 min
Michael decides he likes Claire's straitlaced boyfriend, Tony, so naturally Claire dumps him for a hip-hop swaggerer who calls himself 1040 EZ ("'Cause I be taxin' my women"). Michael is anything but pleased. Nor is Jay pleased when she sees the portrait of her that Jr. has drawn.
E07
Crouching Mother, Hidden Father
Thu, Oct 31 2002 1:00 AM GMT+0000
30 min
Tennis star Serena Williams guests as a teacher in an episode in which Jay volunteers to direct Kady's kindergarten-class play ("Romeo and Juliet"), and volunteers Michael to help her. But Jay, who has a very competitive side, doesn't want anyone to stand in the way of her "vision." And she treats her charges as though they were army recruits and she was a drill sergeant.
E08
The Fighting Kyles
Thu, Nov 7 2002 1:00 AM GMT+0000
30 min
Claire and Jr. are continually fighting, to the annoyance of Jay and Michael, who decide to give them "a taste of their own medicine." They'll pretend to fight with each other. "If we can't beat them---and the law says we can't--- the only thing left to do is join them," Michael says.
E09
Sister Story
Thu, Nov 14 2002 1:00 AM GMT+0000
30 min
Michael's younger sister, Kelly, drops in for an unexpected visit. Trouble is, Jay can't stand her, and Kelly does nothing during her stay to change Jay's mind.
E10
Jr's Dating Dilemma
Thu, Nov 21 2002 1:00 AM GMT+0000
30 min
Jr.'s awkward around girls, so Michael coaches him in the manly art of attracting women. He learns his lesson only too well. Meanwhile, Jay's mad at Michael because she dreamt that he had been fooling around with Janet Jackson.
E11
Jay the Artist
Thu, Nov 28 2002 1:00 AM GMT+0000
30 min
Steve Harvey guest stars in an episode in which Michael encourages Jay and the kids to tap their creative juices. Jay decides to paint, Claire to design clothes and Kady to play the piano. Meanwhile, Michael renews acquaintances with his old friend Steve (Harvey), who has recently divorced and is playing the field. One of his dates owns an art gallery, where Jay's painting ends up.
E12
Chair Man of the Board
Thu, Dec 5 2002 1:00 AM GMT+0000
30 min
Mos Def guests as Michael's old friend Tommy, who arrives for a visit with a surprise: he's in a wheelchair after having fallen from his roof while painting. Michael has difficulty accepting his friend's disability, and that annoys the very-competitive Tommy no end. Meanwhile, Claire doesn't want to take Kady with her when she goes to the mall, but her parents insist.
E13
Open Your Heart
Thu, Dec 12 2002 1:00 AM GMT+0000
30 min
Michael and Jay attend a couples seminar, where they discover that their "fantastic" relationship isn't exactly that. Meanwhile, two of Jr.'s friends (Damon Wayans Jr., Michael Wayans) discover a way to use Claire's clothing-store job to make money for themselves.
E14
Michael's Tribe
Thu, Dec 19 2002 1:00 AM GMT+0000
30 min
Michael (aka: Chief Bald Eagle) is recruited to camp out with Kady and her friends and teach them Native American lore. Meanwhile, Clare and "the new Tony" plan to stay out all night themselves: they're plotting to sneak out to a "rave."
E15
Blackout
Thu, Jan 23 2003 1:00 AM GMT+0000
30 min
Michael, bemoaning the lack of quality time the Kyles spend with each other, decides to spend some time with the kids, whether they like it or not. Claire and Jr. don't, and Kady agrees only to watch the movie "The Little Mermaid" with him. Michael switches it with "Gremlins," and that scares her. So does the power failure that soon follows (she thinks the two are related). But it least the blackout brings the Kyles together.
E16
Man of the Year
Thu, Jan 30 2003 1:00 AM GMT+0000
30 min
Jay nominates Michael for the "Small Businessman of the Year" award and he assumes he's going to win it (especially after a golfing buddy on the organization's board tells him: "If my vote were the only one that counted, you'd be a shoo-in"). Meanwhile, Claire helps herself to items from Jay's makeup bag once too often.
E17
Jr's Risky Business (1)
Thu, Feb 6 2003 1:00 AM GMT+0000
30 min
Part 1 of two. Jr. has a new girlfriend and Michael thinks she's quite a prize. But Jay has her doubts. Meanwhile, Kady has a gentleman caller, a budding piano prodigy named Franklin (Noah Gray-Cabey).
E18
Jr's Risky Business (2)
Thu, Feb 13 2003 1:00 AM GMT+0000
30 min
Conclusion: Michael throws Jr. out of the house after he and Jay find their son in their bed with his girlfriend. Jay disagrees---strenuously---about the punishment, and the Kyle household is not a happy one. As for Jr., he has been banished to a tent in the backyard.
E19
Jury Duty
Thu, Feb 27 2003 1:00 AM GMT+0000
30 min
Michael and Jay are both called for jury duty and wind up on the same case. It's "open and shut," Michael declares. Jay demurs, not surprisingly. And she suspects Michael's motives because she knows he wants to get home to watch a "Godfather" marathon on TV.
E20
Here Come Da Judge
Thu, Mar 6 2003 1:00 AM GMT+0000
30 min
Claire and Jr. have been fighting all their lives, but when both claim to have found a wallet with $500 (and no I.D.) in it, it's time for "family court," the honorable ("and very handsome") Judge Michael Kyle presiding. Jay agrees to serve as Claire's lawyer while Kady's genius boyfriend Franklin argues for Jr. Meanwhile, Claire decides to become a vegetarian, prompted by her boyfriend, Tony, who has begun to fast. And Michael volunteers to teach Kady to ride a bicycle.
E21
Claire's Permit
Thu, Mar 27 2003 1:00 AM GMT+0000
30 min
Claire gets her learner's permit, but that doesn't necessarily mean that Michael will permit her to drive. But he does relent and takes her out for a driving lesson. It doesn't go well. ("Michael: "What's the first thing you do when you get into the car?" Claire: "Find a good radio station.") Meanwhile, Kady and Franklin announce their engagement.
E22
Sharon's Picture
Thu, Apr 10 2003 12:00 AM GMT+0000
30 min
Franklin's little sister, Aretha, is a terrific singer, but he doesn't exactly brag about her. Meanwhile, Jay finds a photo of Michael's former girlfriend among his memorabilia. Why, she wonders, has he saved it? Actually, "wonders" doesn't adequately describe her reaction. "We have a crisis in our marriage," she fumes.
E23
Tee for Too Many
Thu, May 1 2003 12:00 AM GMT+0000
30 min
Jay decides she wants to share Michael's golf experience. She doesn't want to play---just follow him around the course. Meanwhile, Jr. decides he wants to go to college (because Vanessa's going), but he's stuck on the college-application essay. So he asks Franklin for help.
E24
The Big Bang Theory
Thu, May 8 2003 12:00 AM GMT+0000
30 min
Claire and Tony announce that they are going to have sex to Michael and Jay, who react as expected. But after calming down they strategize on how to stop the impending tryst. "We'll scare the pants off them," Michael tells Jay, "Well, not the pants." Meanwhile, Jr. gets Kady to think that she made him sick, so she's at his beck and call. But Franklin smells a rat.
E25
Not So Hostile Takeover
Thu, May 15 2003 12:00 AM GMT+0000
30 min
Claire has been asked to the senior prom, but Michael won't let her go. Their compromise: Michael and Jay will chaperone. Suffice it to say that Jay thinks more of the plan than Claire does (or than Michael does, at first). Meanwhile, Jr's rehabbing an old car and he wants Michael to pay for it. Michael agrees, but that isn't necessarily good news for Jr.
E26
Graduation (1)
Thu, May 22 2003 12:00 AM GMT+0000
30 min
Part 1 of 2: Jr.'s high-school graduation is approaching and he drops a bombshell: He wants to go to college. Perhaps not surprisingly, it's the same one that his girlfriend Vanessa plans to attend. Trouble is, it's hard to get into, but Michael thinks he knows how to deal with that. Meanwhile, Claire and Kady can't wait to get rid of their older brother, and neither can Franklin.
E27
Graduation (2)
Thu, May 22 2003 12:00 AM GMT+0000
30 min
Conclusion. Michael and Jay take a dim view of Jr. and Vanessa's plan to marry after graduation from high school, and push for him to take a trip to Japan without her. Meanwhile (and curiously), both Claire and Kady come to realize that they would miss Jr. if he were to leave.
Season 4
30 episodes
E01
From Dummy to Daddy
Thu, Sep 25 2003 12:00 AM GMT+0000
30 min
After hearing the shocking news that their son Junior is going to become a father, Michael and Jay freak out. They try to talk with him and help him realize he can't support a family living in their garage and having no job, so Michael offers him a job at his firm. Meanwhile, Tony feels guilty about having spicy thoughts about Claire and Franklin is still out for Junior's spot on the Kyle family.
E02
The Sweet Hairafter
Thu, Sep 25 2003 12:00 AM GMT+0000
30 min
Michael is convinced to try a new hair product after seeing the success a previously bald friend of his had with it. But as his hair starts to come in, Jay is fed up with his new and strange behavior, and Michael becomes convinced that Jay is trying to kill him.
E03
Jr. Executive
Thu, Oct 2 2003 12:00 AM GMT+0000
30 min
Michael wants Jr. to learn the family business by starting at the bottom, so he assigns Jr. to do menial jobs around Kyle Trucking. Jr. however, decides to use the fact that he's the boss' son to his advantage and convinces other employees to do his work for him. Elsewhere Claire arranges a secret date with a guy she met on the Internet in a Shakespeare chat room.
E04
Jay Goes to School
Thu, Oct 9 2003 12:00 AM GMT+0000
30 min
Jay decides to go back to college and get her psychology degree. Michael is opposed, of course. He says it will disrupt the house and it does: Jay psychoanalyzes everybody. Meanwhile, Jay gives Jr. his baby crib for his own baby, but his friends John and Mike have their own plans for it.
E05
Meet the Parents
Thu, Oct 16 2003 12:00 AM GMT+0000
30 min
Vanessa's parents have an agenda when they meet Michael and Jay for the first time. Meanwhile, Michael fears that Claire's becoming a "clothesaholic." Vanessa: Brooklyn Sudano.
E06
He's Having a Baby
Thu, Oct 23 2003 12:00 AM GMT+0000
30 min
Michael, suspecting that Jr. lacks parenting skills, challenges him to care for a fake baby (actually, a water balloon) for a week. Meanwhile, Kady wants to know how babies are made. "You're over the stork story, huh?" Jay asks. "Way past it," she replies.
E07
The Funeral
Thu, Oct 30 2003 1:00 AM GMT+0000
30 min
Jr. has been getting friendly with a coworker named Larry, who ups the friendship ante considerably when his grandmother dies. Meanwhile, Claire sprains her ankle tripping over Kady's skateboard, so Michael makes Kady Claire's "personal assistant."
E08
Marathon
Thu, Nov 13 2003 1:00 AM GMT+0000
30 min
Jay's training hard to run a marathon; Michael not so hard ("I'm on my regimen---it's called the eat, drink and be merry regimen"). Meanwhile, Tony is feeling incredibly guilty because he finds Clare "incredibly sexy."
E09
Ultrasound
Thu, Nov 6 2003 1:00 AM GMT+0000
30 min
Vanessa has her ultrasound, but doesn't want to know the baby's sex. Neither does Jr. Only Michael wants to know. Meanwhile, Kady is enamored of a young dancer named Smilin' Willie (Elliot Cho). This upsets not only Franklin, but Claire as well. It seems that Willie has a crush on her, and won't leave her alone.
E10
While Out
Thu, Nov 20 2003 1:00 AM GMT+0000
30 min
Michael and Jay go out for the evening without reciting "the rules" to Claire. That means it's party time, and the party animal turns out to be Claire's usually pious boyfriend Tony.
E11
Michael's Band
Thu, Nov 27 2003 1:00 AM GMT+0000
30 min
E Street Band saxman Clarence Clemons guests as a jazz performer who went to school with Michael, who suddenly claims he's a pianist (albeit a rusty one). He'll get a chance to show it. Meanwhile, Kady and Franklin's sister Aretha are vying to be lead singer in Franklin's band, so the young man has a choice to make.
E12
The Lady is Not a Tramp
Thu, Dec 11 2003 1:00 AM GMT+0000
30 min
Tony returns from a "purification exile" that followed his drunk-and-naked escapade, and Michael finds condoms in Claire's backpack. Naturally, he suspects linkage. Meanwhile, Jr. and Vanessa get a dog---a male they name "Lady"---as a "dress rehearsal" for parenthood. Jr. will soon demonstrate just how much rehearsal he'll need.
E13
Of Mice and Man
Thu, Dec 18 2003 1:00 AM GMT+0000
30 min
There's a mouse in the house (and doggerel in the script). Is Michael man enough to catch it? Hardly. "He's a genius," he admits, "an evil, conniving genius." But there might be a better mousetrap in the Kyle household: Claire, who's inadvertently wreaking havoc on any wildlife she encounters.
E14
Moving on Out
Thu, Jan 8 2004 1:00 AM GMT+0000
30 min
Jr. decides it's time to move out of the garage and into a place of his own, a "humble abode," he calls it. "Very humble," Michael notes on his first inspection. Just how bad is the neighborhood? "He could go out for a quart of milk and end up on the carton," says Jay.
E15
Candy Wars
Thu, Jan 22 2004 1:00 AM GMT+0000
30 min
It's candy-sale time at Kady's school and Jay won't help because she's dieting. So Michael steps in. The plan is for father and daughter to bond, but Michael's competitive nature soon overwhelms all else. "I'm afraid she's being trampled underfoot in your mad dash to victory," says Franklin, who devises his own sales strategy.
E16
Jr. Sells His Car
Thu, Feb 5 2004 1:00 AM GMT+0000
30 min
Jr. finally finishes restoring his old car---and then he sells it. He'll need college tuition for his baby-to-be, he tells his proud parents. Meanwhile, Franklin's sick of being "special," so he goes to Michael for advice and is told: "dumb down."
E17
The Anniversary Present
Thu, Feb 12 2004 1:00 AM GMT+0000
30 min
It's the Kyles' 19th anniversary, and Michael and Jay are busy one-upping each other in the gift department. Meanwhile, Franklin's teaching the gastronomically challenged Claire how to cook so she can prepare a fancy French dish for the anniversary dinner.
E18
Illegal Smile
Thu, Feb 19 2004 1:00 AM GMT+0000
30 min
Jay wants to look younger and Michael wants to lose his "devious look" before a traffic-court date, so they visit a dermatologist, and it's smiles all around.
E19
Outbreak Monkey
Thu, Feb 26 2004 1:00 AM GMT+0000
30 min
The NBA's LeBron James has a cameo in an episode in which all the Kyles catch the flu. Well, everyone but Michael, who goes to absurd lengths to stay healthy because he doesn't want to miss James' NBA debut at Madison Square Garden, for which Michael has scored courtside tickets.
E20
Empty Nest (1)
Thu, Mar 4 2004 1:00 AM GMT+0000
30 min
Part 1 of two: None of the kids is at home, giving Michael and Jay a chance to reminisce (via clips from past episodes) about their brood: Claire, Kady and Jr.
E21
Empty Nest (2)
Thu, Mar 4 2004 1:00 AM GMT+0000
30 min
The conclusion of a two-part highlight episode features clips of Michael's "minor glitches" and Jay's concern about her weight. Lou Rawls has a cameo as a physician.
E22
Calvin Comes to Stay
Thu, Mar 11 2004 1:00 AM GMT+0000
30 min
Vanessa's parents have a fight and her father (Rasta) needs a place to stay, so he lands on the Kyles. He's an unusual house guest, to put it mildly. Meanwhile, Franklin has cracked the lottery. Unfortunately, he must rely on Jr. to buy the ticket that he has calculated will win.
E23
Calvin Goes to Work
Thu, Apr 1 2004 1:00 AM GMT+0000
30 min
Calvin (Rasta) goes to work at Kyle Trucking---well, not work, exactly, but Michael does feel as though he must hire his future in-law. Meanwhile, Claire has a science paper due on cold fusion, a topic about which she knows little and cares less. So she asks Franklin for help.
E24
Romantic Night
Thu, Apr 22 2004 12:00 AM GMT+0000
30 min
Michael has plans for a romantic getaway with Jay, but when Jr. foils that, they settle for a romantic evening at home. Hurdle No. 1: getting the kids out of the house. And that turns out to be the easy part.
E25
The Director
Thu, Apr 29 2004 12:00 AM GMT+0000
30 min
Michael's so excited about a basketball game he's watching on TV that he accidentally tapes over Kady's first steps. What to do? Reenact them, with the reluctant assistance of Franklin.
E26
The Maid
Thu, May 6 2004 12:00 AM GMT+0000
30 min
Betty White guest stars as the maid Jay hires to replace her while she's away in Florida. Jay might have it tough when she returns, because the woman's an excellent cook and seamstress. She's also uncommonly adept at auto mechanics and TV repair. She can even beat Franklin at chess.
E27
Hand Model
Thu, May 13 2004 12:00 AM GMT+0000
30 min
Michael doesn't think that modeling's a wise career choice for Claire, but when an agent tells him he has the perfect equipment to be a hand model, he thinks it's fine for him. Meanwhile, Kady's spending time with a girl named Rachel, making Franklin very jealous.
E28
What Do You Know?
Thu, May 20 2004 12:00 AM GMT+0000
30 min
It's "game night" at the Kyle house, but it isn't exactly fun and games when the couples play "What Do You Know?" "What You Don't Know" would be more like it. "There's this weird energy here," moans Michael.
E29
The Baby (1)
Thu, May 27 2004 12:00 AM GMT+0000
30 min
Part 1 of two. Vanessa is more than a little bit pregnant. In fact, she's a week overdue. She wants a natural childbirth at home, presided over by a new-agey midwife named Summer Breeze. Fat chance of that happening. Meanwhile, Claire suspects Kady of pilfering her perfume and lipstick.
E30
The Baby (2)
Thu, May 27 2004 12:00 AM GMT+0000
30 min
Conclusion. Following Vanessa's false labor (and the chaos it caused), Michael scripts a "game plan" for the real thing. "This has to work like clockwork," he declares. Meanwhile, Claire and Kady, having made up, go off on a shopping spree together.
Season 5
26 episodes
E01
Fantasy Camp (1)
Wed, Sep 22 2004 12:00 AM GMT+0000
30 min
Part 1. Michael is obsessed with the prospect of going one-on-one with Michael Jordan at a Las Vegas basketball fantasy camp. Wayne Newton has a cameo in the episode, in which the entire Kyle klan joins Michael in Vegas.
E02
Fantasy Camp (2)
Wed, Sep 22 2004 12:00 AM GMT+0000
30 min
Michael goes one-on-one with Michael Jordan in the conclusion of a two-part visit to Las Vegas. Rev. Al Sharpton also has a cameo as a minister at an all-night wedding chapel; Alan Thicke plays a magician who makes Jr. disappear (but can't bring him back); and Dom Irrera plays a hotel waiter whom Michael tips (exorbitantly) to show him Jordan's suite.
E03
Child-Care Class
Wed, Sep 29 2004 12:00 AM GMT+0000
30 min
Jr. and Vanessa insist that Michael and Jay attend a child-care class for grandparents. Not surprisingly, it doesn't go well for Michael, who gets into a diaper-changing contest with Calvin.
E04
Class Reunion
Wed, Oct 6 2004 12:00 AM GMT+0000
30 min
Michael and Jay's high-school reunion is coming up, but Michael wants none of it. Then he's challenged to a "dance-off" by an old break-dancing rival, who also happens to be the first guy ever to have kissed Jay. Meanwhile, bullies target Franklin, so he devises a secret weapon.
E05
The Fellowship of the Baby
Wed, Oct 13 2004 12:00 AM GMT+0000
30 min
All of a sudden, Jr. becomes really smart. All he has to do is touch his newborn son. Meanwhile, Kady catches Claire sneaking in late and blackmails her.
E06
Pokerface
Wed, Oct 20 2004 12:00 AM GMT+0000
30 min
Jr. invites Jay to Michael's weekly poker game. The other guys don't like it. Meanwhile, Kady's beginning to resent Jr. Jr. for taking the "baby" spotlight away from her.
E07
The Proposal
Wed, Nov 10 2004 1:00 AM GMT+0000
30 min
Kyle-on-Kyle karaoke: Jay's Diana Ross vs. Michael's James Brown. Meanwhile, Jr. wants to propose to Vanessa, but he can't get a chance to do it.
E08
Restaurant Wars
Wed, Nov 17 2004 1:00 AM GMT+0000
30 min
Jay opens a soul-food restaurant on the same block as a Chinese restaurant owned by the very aggressive Annie Hoo. A food fight soon breaks out.
E09
The Return of Bobby Shaw
Wed, Nov 24 2004 1:00 AM GMT+0000
30 min
Jr. wants to be a rapper, so he enrolls in a "rapcademy" that Michael eyes suspiciously. MC Lyte, Flavor Flav, Kool Moe D and Special Ed guest star. Meanwhile, Jay talks Claire into going to her yoga class. She'll regret it. Bobby Shaw: Katt Williams.
E10
The Wedding
Wed, Dec 1 2004 1:00 AM GMT+0000
30 min
Jr. and Vanessa set a date for their wedding, with the Kyles planning an elaborate one that might have made a royal couple blanch. This does not please the bride-to-be. Meanwhile, Kady's gaydar tells her something about Claire's boyfriend, Tony.
E11
Careful What You Wish For
Wed, Jan 12 2005 1:00 AM GMT+0000
30 min
Jay notices the attention Jr. is lavishing on Vanessa and decides that Michael's ignoring her. Meanwhile, Franklin decides he's too short, when he can't meet a roller coaster's height requirement.
E12
They Call Me El Foosay
Wed, Jan 19 2005 1:00 AM GMT+0000
30 min
Jr. turns Michael on to foosball and no one can turn him off---and an extremely annoying "foosaholic" Michael turns out to be. Who can stop him? "El Foosay" (Franklin), a recovering foosaholic himself.
E13
Study Buddy
Wed, Jan 26 2005 1:00 AM GMT+0000
30 min
Jay's psychology professor doesn't like her. Bad news, considering that the final's coming up. Also bad news is Michael's determination to be her "study buddy." Meanwhile, Kady fears that Franklin's interested in another girl, a fellow brainiac named Emerson (after Ralph Waldo).
E14
Sweetheart's Day
Wed, Feb 2 2005 1:00 AM GMT+0000
30 min
It's "Sweetheart's Day" at the Kyle household. That means presents for the ladies (Jay insists on it). So Michael devises a plan to determine how much to spend. Of course, it gets him into trouble.
E15
Silence is Golden
Wed, Feb 9 2005 1:00 AM GMT+0000
30 min
Jay and Michael spend a weekend at a meditation retreat, although Michael isn't exactly a willing participant. And when it's over, Jay gives him the silent treatment.
E16
The Bahamas (1)
Wed, Feb 16 2005 1:00 AM GMT+0000
30 min
Part 1 of two: The Kyles are vacationing in the Bahamas and Michael just wants to relax by the pool. Not likely. For starters, an annoying acquaintance shows up. Then Jr. and Vanessa fight because he wants to shirk his parental responsibilities. And Franklin's "archenemy," Franceso Mumfordi, is on the island.
E17
The Bahamas (2)
Wed, Feb 23 2005 1:00 AM GMT+0000
30 min
Conclusion. Michael and Jay are stranded on a remote island with the annoying guy that Michael had blown off. Too bad: he's a survivalist, and he won't help them. Meanwhile, Claire discovers that there's alcohol in those Coco Mocos that she has been eating; Jr. takes "time off from my responsibilities" with his new friend, Dave; and Franklin confronts his "bubbleganger" (as Kady calls him), Francesco Mumfordi.
E18
The Remodel
Wed, Mar 2 2005 1:00 AM GMT+0000
30 min
Jay decides that it's time to remodel the garage to make it more comfortable for the baby, and Michael decides to do the work himself. "It's the Garage Mahal to me," he says. Meanwhile, Kady wants to write Franklin a love letter but doesn't know what to say.
E19
Michael Joins a Gym
Wed, Mar 9 2005 1:00 AM GMT+0000
30 min
Michael can't fit into an old pair of jeans, so he starts dieting and heads to a gym. He's not fun to be around. Nor is Franklin, who has flunked an astrophysics exam.
E20
Celibacy
Wed, Mar 16 2005 1:00 AM GMT+0000
30 min
Jay tells Michael that they'll only have sex "on a mental level" for six months because it will make their lovemaking more exciting when they resume. Michael is skeptical, to say the least. Meanwhile, Franklin and Kady symbolize their love with a plant, and Jr. complains to Michael that Vanessa wants too much loving. "She's a sex machine," he tells his sex-starved dad.
E21
Jr.'s Cartoon
Wed, Mar 30 2005 1:00 AM GMT+0000
30 min
Jr.'s cartoon, a thinly disguised version of "My Wife and Kids," attracts the interest of ABC, so Jr.---and his agent Michael---visit the network for a negotiating session. Meanwhile, Claire threatens to break up with Tony unless he can "bring some excitement" to their relationship.
E22
Michael's Sandwich
Wed, Apr 13 2005 12:00 AM GMT+0000
30 min
Michael has a golf date at Pebble Beach and he's making a "masterpiece" of a sandwich to eat on the flight. But he keeps getting interrupted by various Kyle crises, and if he doesn't finish it fast, he'll miss the plane.
E23
Graduation Day
Wed, Apr 27 2005 12:00 AM GMT+0000
30 min
Everything that can go wrong, does go wrong as Jay gets ready for her college graduation, including a makeup mishap, a shrunken gown---and a black eye. Meanwhile, Franklin learns honesty is not always the best policy when Kady asks him if the dress she's wearing makes her look fat.
E24
Michael Sells the Business
Wed, May 4 2005 12:00 AM GMT+0000
30 min
Michael dreams about "the Michael and Jay phase" of his life when he gets an offer to sell his business. Meanwhile, Kady and Claire squabble over the amount of time the other spends in the bathroom. Katt Williams returns as Michael's old nemesis Bobby Shaw.
E25
R.V. Dreams
Wed, May 11 2005 12:00 AM GMT+0000
30 min
It's vacation time again for the Kyles. The destination: the Grand Canyon. The mode of transport: Michael's new Wonder Van 6000. It'll be a bumpy ride.
E26
The 'V' Story
Wed, May 18 2005 12:00 AM GMT+0000
30 min
In the series finale, Jay reads about a 67-year-old woman who gave birth, so she orders Michael to get a vasectomy. Not surprisingly, he has reservations. Meanwhile, Tony wants to do something "to get God's attention" at Bible camp, so he asks Claire to make him a hat. Tisha Campbell-Martin directed.
Cast
Jazz Raycole
as Claire Kyle
Jennifer Freeman
as Claire Kyle
Tisha Campbell
as Janet Marie "Jay" Kyle
Damon Wayans
as Michael Kyle
Parker McKenna Posey
as Kady Kyle
Noah Gray-Cabey
as Franklin Aloysius Mumford
George Gore II
as Michael Kyle Jr.
Brooklyn Sudano
as Vanessa Scott
Andrew McFarlane
as Tony Jeffers
